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Old 04-14-2010, 05:54 PM
noob noob is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post

He "wants me to be enough." But he fears that even after he moves here (hes 3 1/2 hrs away) I won't be able to satisfy his need for me.

To me, it hurts being told I'm not enough. I'm poly and I didn't tell my fiance that I needed to supplement. It's hurtful.

Is it just me that doesn't think this is okay? If he wants to pursue other relationships that's one thing, but supplementing so he can stay with me and not lose his mind because he misses me seems wrong
I don't know, could just be me, but personally I understand "wanting someone to be enough" but they just aren't. I think that is one legitimate way of thinking about poly for those of us who sometimes wish we were monogamous, but just...can't do monogamy very well

I don't relate a lot to the feeling some talk about WRT poly: "I just have so much love to give." I mean, I do love connection and intimacy and am extremely curious, people-oriented, and open. But the main reason I am here, "doing" poly, is that one relationship just doesn't fill my "love cup" at the moment, or usually, for that matter. Other possibilities come up and I really deeply need to explore them to feel fulfilled. I also understand needing something specific someone can't give you, but wanting to still be with them for other things you can share.

I could see how that way of putting it could be hurtful, though, and you should definitely tell him you are hurt by his phrasing and talk through it a bit more.

Edited to add: And when I say my partner is not enough, it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with my level of need, and desire for things he does not want. Am I weird?

Last edited by noob; 04-14-2010 at 06:02 PM.
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