Originally Posted by idealist
I tend to disagree with everyone else. I think there are a lot of good reasons to look back and I think there are a lot of reasons that relationships break up which are no longer an issue.
But- maybe age is a factor here. I am 52 and currently lovers with 4 of my ex's. Those relationships were formed in my 40's.....that's different from relationships in my 20's etc. These were all good, healthy relationships which just ended because we were under the (what I call) brainwashed notion that the only valid way to have a relationship is to consider it to be a lifetime monogamous one and that didn't feel right at the time (and still doesn't).
I completely agree. Looking back is a means to self-discovery, for one thing.
Part of how I came to poly was through talking with my first BF, realizing I have historically tried to have multiple intimate connections at once (usually 2), but it never worked because I had no vocabulary for what I was doing and just thought I was flawed/damaged.