Thread: a lil help
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Old 04-20-2014, 10:13 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by pillowsock View Post
I know that a lot of it comes from deep fears and insecurities of inadequacy and ultimately of being left. I really do hate that I feel this way but I cannot help it. It's at times excruciating.
So that I'm clear, your anxiety is about what could happen in the theoretical future if your partner ends up dating someone? Your partner is not currently dating anyone?

Jealousy (fear of someone taking something that you hold dear) is basically rooted in pessimistic future telling.
1. You cannot see the future.
2. What evidence do you have to enforce your opinion that your girlfriend is going to leave you?
I suggest laying out the evidence you have at your disposal for the second part. Is your girlfriend dissatisfied with you? Has she displayed that she intends on leaving you? Or do you have evidence to the contrary? Rationalize your jealousy, force it to stand against scrutiny, discuss it frankly (and with NO BLAME) with your partner. Many times if the "boogy man" lenses are taken away from jealousy it turns out to just be pessimistic paranoia and will disappear. Practice this and it will become more and more of an instinct for you.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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