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Old 04-14-2010, 04:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Wow...I feel like I could be reading my biography there. I have been at every point in your story at varying points in my life. Sometimes all together. I won't go into my story too much but I can explain how I dealt with your two challenges.

First off there are some key points to remember when learning to like yourself. You need to figure out what is good. Write out a list of all the things you like, if you are having a hard time because you are in a loathing moment, have people you trust do it for you (in my case I couldn't use my parents, I could never take their compliments seriously) Build confidence around the things you like about yourself.

The reason why I mention this part is because confidence is an amazing attractant and will do a better job of having you meet people (including women) than ANYTHING. Don't be cocky, of course, but confidence has a power behind it that makes everyone around you happy.

I personally had to learn to like woman. This for me was huge as I was that arrogant ass that used to believe I couldn't be friends with women I was sexually attracted to (come on I was a horny 17 to 22 year old ). This was a good transition for me and has allowed me to build this last part. I have a lot of female friends. Of all types. I listen and talk to them which does a lot to help my self esteem. Women flirt with friends, guys don't get this . That flirting builds confidence. While 99% of the time it is innocent, it helps. Again more confidence, or continued confidence and you might start to see your whole self differently, the people around you will.

The other benefit is the spy behind the wall effect. You will learn what women like and dont like. They are not a giant mystery, not anymore so than men are. The mystery is simple, everyone is different, has different needs, wants and communication skills. By interacting you learn more and more about what you want, and what the girls you might like don't want the guy to act like.


This one I cannot speak to for you. But I can explain how I dealt with a similar situation. I have not dated a straight vanilla women in 13ish years. I did this to myself btw. My first gf getting out of my common-law marriage was homo-flexible (a new term for me actually but it fits). She had almost exclusively had sex with women and relationships with men, but for some reason something clicked with me on both sides. Sexually it was outstanding and constant, however we were only together 3 months. If it had continued I knew, while we loved each other, the sex couldn’t continue like that. That and it was becoming painful. In the end we made a decision that it was better if we continued the relationship until she figured out what she was. I always felt I was in the relationship to help her figure herself out.
I helped her find her first real gf (it was actually a girl I was trying to date at the same time who I knew was bi, later to find out she really hated men…)…their relationship exploded and I was the odd man out. I obviously didn’t know about poly, and am not sure I was mature enough to handle poly at that point in my life.

Your situation is different, you know about poly, are mature enough to recognize it and have discussed it with your partner. You understand your partners sexuality well. You have a serious leg up on making this work

In my current situation, my wife is bi. She has always discussed a need to be with women. All I can do to fulfill that need, is let her fill her need. I surely can’t do it, I am not even a femme guy so roleplay wouldn’t work (unless someone knows a 6’5 275 ex football playing lesbian that I can emulate ?) I am satisfied in her happiness of being with a women knowing it has nothing to do with my manhood. Up until now it has always included me, but I am not naďve enough to believe at some point, she will find a woman who doesn’t want a man in the room…

Best of luck, it’s a hard arduous battle. Low-Self esteem is a killer that most people don’t even seriously consider.

That's funny; it is the 4th result when I Google it.
Shows up as 3rd for me...must be a regional thing in their equation possibly.
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