I have been reading this blog: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69294
The story told is a hard one to read. It has got me thinking. That and the discussion a while ago about ethics.
I was hopeful when first hearing about poly that it might be a solution to my problem with romantic relationships. After reading more and finding out more about it, I still suspect that might be true but it is still something I would only consider if I were to find myself single again.
My boundary about poly (which may or may not change) is that it's something I would only do so long as there is nobody in my life that I would refer to as a partner or who might legitimately refer to me as a partner.
I have ethical concerns about it. I don't see myself as any different from other people and I pretty much suspect that if I was now in a poly situation that I would want to do things to protect my existing relationship - in the same way as lots of people do here. I also think it's likely that I might justify doing things that mean others get hurt. Even if that's just me pointing out issues to my partner that means the other person gets dropped. That sort of thing is a problem to me and I don't want to set up a situation where I am likely to behave that way. The easiest way I can think of to do it is to have monogamous relationships or multiple FWBs but not both.
I'm pretty lucky in my life. I've managed to move past the notion that life is only okay so long as I have a romantic partner, am healing from a break up or are looking for a romantic partner. I'm perfectly happy and at ease with being solo and maybe that makes a difference to me?
I find it a little disappointing in honesty. I'd hoped when I joined this forum to find stories of happy, well functioning relationships. What I'm finding is lots of lovely people who are trying hard but who seem to find their relationships hard work.
It seems to me that the only happy stories I read about are about very new relationships. Or come from people who aren't doing the sharing of a partner. The ones doing the sharing or the older relationships seem to be more problematic and entail much harder work.
Kevin T - is a notable exception. If you're reading, Kevin - you are something of an inspiration to me.
Sigh - I'm going to head off to somewhere beautiful soon for a walk and try to get some of this jadedness out of myself.