Originally posted by LR - - -
Yes, yes I can. Because it's a no-brainer. You are being mature about TRYING to deal with something that you never wanted for your life. That is HUGE. You deserve respect for that. SHE wants to be in a poly relationship..... you didn't. - - - SHE is a SECOND S.O. to this man BY CHOICE-therefore she needs to show some RESPECT for the fact that SHE chose this, you did not.
LR - thank you! I have tried again and again to explain this to both my husband and his GF. Neither of them started this affair planning on falling in love or even considering themselves polyamorous. However, they both knew the other one was married and had children. She entered into this knowing my husband had never cheated and was (is) very committed to me and that we have a very open, honest marriage - we tell each other everything. In short, she knew I was here. On the other hand, I have had to adapt to her now being in his life, to them having sex, to them being in love. I'm sick of being the one who is doing all of the adapting and compromising. I'm sick of being made to feel like my marriage now doesn't mean as much and that I don't deserve respect as his wife. I have shown this woman respect the whole time. If they are together, I don't call or text him because I respect her and their time together. Do I get the same respect? No, I don't. Her text to me definitely shows she doesn't respect me at all - so obviously there is no way we can become friends. She actually shot herself in the foot on that one.
Ok - enough venting. I really think the whole situation is sad. I understand they are in love - but I think she is letting the NRE blind her from the reality of the situation. My husband used to ask me, at the beginning of this, why I couldn't just be happy being loved, wanted, and having his committment. Why can't she just be happy with the same? Why can't they see that I am not asking them to end their relationship. I am not asking them not to get closer. I am not asking them not to spend time together when they can. Why is that not enough? She knew at the beginning of their affair that there were going to be limitations because of it's very nature. Now, she wants me to pave the way and lift all limitations. Why should I? So she feels more comfortable? What about me feeling comfortable? Sorry - I guess that's still venting.
While I guess I need to vent - since venting to my best friend (husband) only causes him to be hurt and angry - I am also looking for support and advice. Regardless of this setback - I am still going to try to learn about and understand this lifestyle that I have been unwillingly plunged into. My husband is and always will be my life and I will continue to do what I can to make him happy. He and I and our marriage is and always will be my priority!
Have a great day!