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Old 04-19-2014, 01:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
. . . the lack of time to see him is so hard. Feel like I am the one constantly finding time (or trying to find time) to get together, and it leaves me feeling kinda sad and lovesick. Feel like I really like this guy, but kinda feels like very early on (2 weeks in) I am not a priority.
It's only been two weeks and you are "constantly" trying to schedule something with him, and feeling "sad and lovesick" over always being the one to initiate? I am having a hard time fathoming why you're so focused on this person you barely know, and feeling lovesick that it's not going the way you want it to after such a short amount of time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
I've just noticed a change in the frequency of texts and such.
Are you saying that, over just two weeks -- 14 days -- you have already established a pattern and set routine that he's suddenly not following? And you're letting that get you down? Can you see how unrealistic that sounds? It seems you've placed an awful lot of expectations on this guy from the very start, and if someone did that to me, it would strike me as rather odd, immature, and clingy. I'm curious - how old are you, and how experienced are you in relationships in general?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
It just kinda comes across that if he has nothing better to do then he has "time" to get together . . . when I am into someone I make the time.

Just feel like I am already more invested than he is, and once NRE wears off it's only going to get worse.
How invested can anyone be at two weeks????

This may not even be a case of his not investing in the relationship as much as you, nor seeing you as not a very high priority. This may simply be a personality trait - and how he approaches dating someone is different from how you do it. He's most likely just not as needy as you are.

For example, during the first two-week period of dating someone new, I wouldn't expect to see him more than once or twice. I'd be very surprised if we got together more often than that. It might be a welcome thing to see someone new three or four times in a two-week period, but it also might not be that welcome if I'm feeling like he's being too pushy or needy. I'd also feel pressured and as if my personal time/space was being invaded if he was pushing to talk or text every day. I dislike daily contact and need my alone time to recharge, because I'm an introvert. Maybe he is, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
Just don't like wondering if I am being stringed along. Seems to be one of those says one thing and actions say another kinda things. Definitely on the menu to be talked about next time he has some free time.
Hmmm... seriously? Now, see, if I had just started to see someone, and after only two weeks he confronted me and said he felt like I was "stringing him along" because I hadn't made enough effort to see him in that short amount of time, I would find it extremely difficult not to laugh in his face. And I certainly would cross him off my list for any future dates. Anyone who is that high-maintenance at the very beginning of a budding relationship is definitely much too needy and clingy for me, and not someone I'd be interested in continuing to see.

So, if I were you, I would examine my expectations, look to see where they're coming from, and ask myself if I'm being reasonable. I would also ask myself whether I am so focused on this guy right now because I don't have enough going on in my life (intellectually, emotionally, creatively, socially) that is stimulating and satisfying.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-19-2014 at 02:00 AM.
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