Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Also, if something is missing inside of you, it won't get fixed by any relationship, no matter how deep.
When you described "needing to feel" your boyfriend's or fiance's arms wrapped around you, it tweaked my "dependency" button. Could be I'm just the independent loner type, but I've always felt that as nice as it is to be held and be with my husband, I don't "need" it.
Yes, I need physical contact with people in general (I'm human) but I always worry when I see people "need" someone specific or say they "couldn't live without" that person. It tells me they're missing something inside themselves and trying to fill it with another person.
I don't thinking needing something from someone specific is a bad dependency. It's like a mother's or father's embrace. Each give you a different sensation. Sometimes you need the strength of your fathers arms to feel safe and sometimes you need the softness of your mother's embrace to feel how much she loves you. These needed embraces are different from needing or wanting any old hug. I think that we've all been bitten by the codependency monster that has jumped out of someone we've known which makes us scared of ever using the word need. The difference is while there are time when I feel I could really use a hug from my dad or my mom... They are no longer here in my life, so I have to make peace with that and remember what those embraces once felt like. I don't curl up in a ball and lock myself in my house over it. Or turn into a raving lunatic. And I'm not afraid to say I need people.
It's my first long distance relationship with my very first love from my childhood. We were only friends back then and lost contact for 10 years so in the full throws of nre and missing him all I want is to wrap My arms around him. I'm still functioning in my day to day life just fine without him here. (it doesn't mean that I LIKE him not being here, but I'm living my life nonetheless) Could I live without him? Absolutely. But I don't want to