No, I don't see you as primaries and that had nothing to do with anything anyway. I don't see you as primaries because you don't share practical entanglements. That doesn't mean you don't love, respect and care for each other as much as a couple who do share those things. It just means you don't have that typical primary style relationship that lots of people want, nor can you offer that to him. Even if he was your live in husband and this was a girlfriend, so you'd be primaries in my book as well as yours, I'd still say the way you're going about this is all kinds of wrong.
This word primary seems to mean to you that you have the right to be this intrusive into your partner's relationships. I'm telling you that it doesn't mean that and the way this is going, the person who is going to be left out in the cold is you.