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Old 04-15-2014, 10:37 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Hiding her wouldn't hide the TMI comments on other friends' posts, unfortunately. Blocking removes all evidence of her, which I always felt was tossing the baby out with the bathwater, but at this point, I'm not all that thrilled to see any of her posts to begin with... I'm that cranky about it all.

I thought about backing off Facebook myself, but I love seeing posts from my family. Still, backing off a bit in general wouldn't be a bad idea.

There's a piece of me that thinks I'm sticking my head in the sand by blocking her, although I've done this a bit before (she was excluding me from her more romantic/gooshy posts to Chops at my request), and it works. I tried going the "exposure" route to just deal with it and desensitize myself to it, and it just doesn't help, unfortunately. Some stuff is fine, and then other things like this - nope.

The stress from this is completely out of proportion at this point to the actual thing that triggers it, so I agree - blocking is probably the best way to just stop the cycle. Personally, I think it'll actually improve our relationship if I can just quit seeing the stuff that bugs me. We'll still have email and the like.

Still... I feel like I'm missing a better way of doing this - like if I could only deal with my problem with it all, then I'd be fine. I know that none of this is about me, I know that none of what she does reflects on me, but I still feel this combination of "living in her shadow" (when she's constantly commenting on everything his friends and family do or say) and aggravation with the occasional TMI.

The whole "living in her shadow" thing is just comparing how she acts on FB to how I act - I don't friend his friends unless he asks me, or I've met them. I don't gush all over everything. It's not me. When she does, it triggers the feelings of inadequacy, that I'm invisible while she's his press committee online. If I comment afterward, I end up questioning myself whether I'm doing it because I want to, or because she commented first and I also want representation. It's stupid, especially because it's Facebook, for Christ's sake. It's not real. Not really. I know that's my shit to deal with, but I've attempted to deal with it for a couple years now, with little success. Ugh.

The TMI just bugs, period.

I think I'm going to schedule the talk, and then ask another friend (who's also friends with Xena on FB) for her advice.

I have always valued finding a successful, workable solution to a problem. This feels like giving up somehow.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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