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Old 04-14-2010, 03:22 AM
midnightsun's Avatar
midnightsun midnightsun is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: In the deep wilderness next to the man I love, raising a few wild animals some might call children.
Posts: 64
Default Still confused...

Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
But what I don't do is make that particular thing important to ME. See, I want to do for others, but somehow I'm having an issue not putting myself in their shoes.
It's not about figuring out how to make that "thing" important to you so you'll remember. It's about it being important TO YOU to take care of the "things" that are important to the PERSON who is important TO YOU.

Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
But I didn't for one moment think through her wanting me around
Again, you're focusing on not "knowing" or "thinking" about what she might "want." Whereas the actual problem is YOU not "wanting" to be there whether she "wants" you to or not. I didn't give a damn whether she "wanted" me to be there for her after the first surgery or not. *I* wanted to be there and that was just the way it was going to be.

Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
So what I'm working on now is: realizing how important I actually am to her and asking myself if I'm willing to accept that.
From what I see perhaps what you should be working on is figuring out how important SHE actually is to YOU and asking yourself if you're willing to accept the answer...

Originally Posted by GreenGecko View Post
I really need to make it a habit and force myself to see HER side and feel how SHE'S feeling. We are very simillar, but there are things that are important to her that really are not to me and vice versa, but at least she pays attention to what is/ isn't to me and plays on that knowlege. That is something I need to do, because that is what an S/O does. ESPECIALLY an S/O. A common friend should do that sa well.
Ok... I'm going out on a limb here because now I'm beyond confused... you've known her for 17 years and you have to "force yourself" to see her point of view and consider how she feels?? That speaks volumes to me... I'm just a "common friend" but I WANT to see her point of view and understand what is important to her because THAT is what is important to me... not because it's "what an S/O does" or even what a "common friend should do." It's what I WANT to do, and not an effort to meet someone else's expectations of what I "should" do.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Partner to me means just that, someone who takes care of their own issues and is with me in my quest to deal with mine. I don't become their issue and they don't become mine.
Wow RP! You summed up in one sentence what I've spent DAYS trying to convey to Stewy. Thank you for explaining it in a way that is profound and beautiful in it's simplicity.

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
LR Quoting GG: "I don't know how to be your man when you have another. It's how its been the whole time since you've been married. I was there doing his job when he wasn't. How do I do that when he is?How do I do what he did when he was gone? When he wasn't taking care of you? How do I keep doing that? How can I be on his level and have the same position as him when I've spent 10 years defering to him?....
I don't want to be secondary to you.".
That's the strangest thing I've ever heard you say GG... that's like me saying "I don't know how to be your friend when you have another..."

I don't give a hot damn HOW many friends LR has or HOW LONG they've been in her life and I didn't give a crap how MANY of them might be taking care of her after her first surgery or whether they were primary, secondary, tertiary or "promoted to sister" or her mother or a registered nurse or married to her or sleeping with her or her 18-yr-old daughter who's a certified nurse's aide with medical training. It didn't stop me from being there whether she needed me or not because that's where I wanted to be because *I* needed to know she was ok and taken care of NO MATTER WHAT.

Even tho Maca looked at me dumbfounded when I said I was staying the night, rolled his eyes numerous times and laughed at me for thinking he couldn't or wouldn't take care of her properly, I stubbornly slept on the couch. She is MY friend and I don't give a rat's ass if he's her husband or primary or the King of France... If I want to be there for her, in case she needs me, then I will be there for her and he (and the King of France) can go suck rocks. And she's not even my "TRUE LOVE."
"Life is too short to always sit around worrying about the bad shit that could happen. It's a lot more fun to go start some shit of my own. "

Last edited by midnightsun; 04-14-2010 at 04:20 AM.
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