what about the girlfriend? sheiksquall, I kow you want to protect your marriage, and I dont know all details on how the 3 of you came to be together, but given my current possition I can relate to the girlfriend and it's a horrible feeling. I can not speak for her, but when a similar situation happened on my V, I felt my feelings were worth 2 cents, because a 3rd had complete control and power on the decision. Perhaps your situation is totally different, but think on her too.
Good luck, I hope you can get past this.