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Old 04-15-2014, 12:45 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Default Struggling...

Well, things are up and down... at least in my head. Oy.

The time thing is improving, but slowly.
When we started the two-days-here-two-days-there routine, it was pretty early on in our relationship, and right after Chops' trip to move Xena cross-country. I felt abandoned, and I felt the need for some stability. The schedule gave me something tangible to count on, or at least move toward (at the time, I wasn't comfortable having Chops spend the night when the kids were there, so it wasn't really going to be half-time for a while after that). I expected to be able to work toward spending half-time with him, and that once we got there, things would feel better.

Except, the logical fallacy was thinking that a schedule carved out between two people (me and Xena), that didn't have personal time built in, could ever actually BE half-time. My thought was that half-time was my limit - that I couldn't actually feel like he was a partner on anything less. But scheduling it that way meant that half-time was the MOST he could give me. Reality being what it is, it doesn't always work out as designed.

Oops.

So, a decision made during a time of emotional upheaval wasn't the most logically sound. Who knew?

Anyway... I know I've said this before, but the distance really doesn't help, and we still do have a ways to go... just a bit more slowly this time. Once the kids grow up, I could potentially move closer. Who knows. But things may change over the years. It does mean, though, that I will feel unsettled from time to time, and we're going to have to deal with it when it does. Yay us.

My feelings about Xena are tanking, though, and I'm really not sure what to do about this. I have to wonder if I'm making mountains out of molehills, so any advice is welcome (and encouraged).

The Facebook thing is driving me bonkers. Yeah, I know. It's Facebook. It's not the most important thing in the world. Yup. Got it. But at this point, I'm thinking of blocking her, and I know THAT brings a whole lot of questions from other people, which I'd also rather avoid.

The personality differences will always be there. I see her friending all his friends, commenting on all their comments, and I think "overbearing and creepy" - I'd HATE (hate hate hate) it if someone I were dating went and friended all my friends on FB just because. Maybe I'm seeing it through overly territorial eyes, and I'm projecting that onto her. But ecch.

Still, though... it's aggravating, but it's not the straw that broke the camel's back.

Chops' son (Choplet? Kinda funny since he's as tall as his dad, and is 21 at this point, so I'm keeping the name) posted something on facebook about his truck. After a couple of Xena's comments, it devolved into sexual innuendo about Chops keeping her satisfied, and I was just DONE.

I know that she and I are different - she's much freer about her sexuality and what she posts on FB about it, etc. Her relationship with Choplet is different from mine, as she's more of a friend and I feel kind of a stepparent thing (to an extent). I know I am judging this based on what *I* feel is appropriate or not, but I also just don't want to see what goes on in their bedroom. I'm not a cuckquean, I don't get excited by their relationship... I have no desire to know details. And on a public status, that just crossed a line for me.

So... I feel intolerant, judgmental, and bitchy. But I also feel like as much as I'm trying to "leave the room" (so to speak) and not see things I don't want to see, they keep popping out where I least expect them.

I don't expect her to change her behavior, nor do I want to ask, so what do I do? Unfriend her? Block her entirely so I don't see these things? Then I'll have friends and family asking what happened, and thinking that the beginning of the end is nigh... Ugh.

So... I'll bring it up at the next talk and see what happens. Can't wait for that one.

Bitchy feelings are compounded by my ex being a jerk to my youngest daughter last night as well... I am SO not charitable at the moment.

Anyhoo... Blustery as hell tonight. I hope the deck furniture stays on the deck. Swing is already toppled, and I plan to leave it there until the wind dies down. Wheeeeee...

Oh... And I got to ride on Chops' motorcycle. THAT was nice. Hoping the weather holds out Wednesday, so we can get a ride in after work. Fingers crossed...
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk

Last edited by YouAreHere; 04-15-2014 at 12:48 AM.
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