Thread: Not Dead Yet!
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:48 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,800

There's been a lot going on and yet not much has changed.

I've gone on a few dates with a gentleman who I may need to think of a nickname for. It's been fun. The chemistry is not incandescent as it was with Whip but there. He's also very different from Whip - wants to talk about feelings, has the vocabulary and techniques to talk about emotions. He's older than me, which is different. I worry about getting too involved too quickly, about hurting him. He's quite sensitive. But we will see how things go.

I feel so disconnected with Whip. That incandescent chemistry may have burned itself out. Sex has not been frequent lately, nor particularly interesting. It's not unsatisfying but seems rote now. I have been trying to decide if I want to talk to Whip about that specifically. But it may be a symptom of something deeper.

I realize relationships have ebbs and flows, times when people in a relationship are more in tune and times when they are not. But I have not experienced from my side as a deep lack of connection. I know Whip experiences and understands connection differently than I do. And I'm not sure what to do about it.

Whip and I talked relatively recently about how we feed need for intimacy and socializing. Whip kept saying to me after various parties that he wished he had more time for socializing. I was puzzled because we had spent quite a lot of time together. I was also rather sad that time with me doesn't count as 'social' for Whip. For me social does include one on one time. Also one on one time is what I need to develop intimacy, to feel connected. Social for Whip is always groups, usually fairly large. Smaller groups don't seem to provide what Whip wants from socializing either. I'm not sure why. Intimacy for Whip is sex and physical closeness. That is important for me too but if there hasn't been the time to be around each other one on one, then sex doesn't make up for that lack of connecting. We've talked about this difference and are aware of it. But I don't know how much of a difference that will make.

It doesn't help that I've been sick with cold and allergies, or he's been sick, so that's cut down on time. And he's been working a night shift so I have not actually seen him in some time. It feels like forever. I know I am being dramatic about this. When a need of mine is not being met, I start to feel starved for it. I get demanding and impatient. Patience is not a strong suit although I am trying. I remind myself that he is exhausted, working a night shift and trying to keep on top of his other businesses. He has another girlfriend who wants his time too. I keep reminding myself of that and to be patient - the night shift won't last forever. But it's exacerbated things I felt were an issue before he started this job. They've gotten worse in my opinion. He just feels checked out. I'm putting effort in to maintain contact - I text him frequently and I know I won't get a reply because he is working and I call when I think he might be available. But there doesn't seem to be an effort to be in touch with me. Likely because of the exhaustion. I know.

I am at a loss.
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