Originally Posted by OliverOwl
Meeting your husbands "other", if you'll forgive the term is always hard the first time. I don't mean to excuse her for being rude to you, and I don't know at all if she was actually feeling this was but it's something to think about.
I had considered discussing the possible reasons that she seemed rude.
Some people just take a while to warm up
Maybe it wasn't her idea to have this meeting and was just dragged there
Something might have just happened in her life to put her in a stand-off mood
Maybe she just doesn't like you
My most recent poly relationship with IV, when I met her boyfriend CV it was not a warm encounter. He was hanging out with a new girlfriend, they were just sitting down to a snack, and he was CLEARLY not interested in meeting me even though IV was excited for it. I figured it was mainly because he was just busy, plus IV had already warned me that he warms slowly... so I didn't worry about it much. I figured we'd either hit it off over time or we wouldn't hang out together.
BUT I didn't address the reasons her meeting with the wife might have been sour is because that all takes a back seat when this kind of lopsided power dynamic is present. CV was just my metamour and had no say in the pace or existence of my relationship with IV. While I'm sure some people build guidelines around how and when a VETO is used... it's either VETO power or it isn't. That kind of power struggle being present makes a sour meeting like the OP with her metamour something disturbing.