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Old 04-12-2014, 10:06 PM
Monogamish1 Monogamish1 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 40
Unhappy Loss of a Platonic Love, etc

End of January P joined me on a visit to WA to see what I could do to care for my friend Grumpy. Earlier this week I learned that Grumpy had passed away last month (no one was notified). I was so grateful that P was with me. I'm still fighting tears and the full impact of my loss is starting to sink in.

Grumpy was a best friend, mentor, confidant for over 24 years. We "adopted" each other when I was just 21 and newly married, in a new town with a husband out to sea. Although I had only seen him in person a couple times since I moved away over a decade ago, we were still as close emotionally as ever. I loved him, and he loved me. I tried for over 2 years to get him to move in with me so I could care for him as his health declined. He did not want to "be a burden" on me and refused.
I did contact the coroner to offer to claim his body and arrange a proper send off with military honors, but was informed that his family was involved. (I'll reserve my opinion of those worthless @#!&*)

I am so grateful that I did not wait to visit, though I did not think it would be the "last" time I held him and kissed him goodbye. I am grateful I had the opportunity to share this awesome person with the one I love, and have them enjoy each others company.

I am sad I do not have any photos of him, only memories. Background - my ex-hubby was a major flipping bigot (black, gay, bisexual, mexican - you name it he disliked). Grumpy was black. So I didn't dare have any pictures of him in our photo albums, I was limited to visiting him where we worked and at his home or the rare occasion we went out for dinner. This visit, he requested I not take a picture because he was embarrassed of his condition - fat, balding head turned grey, loss of teeth, sitting in a grungy t-shirt and depends. I wish I had at least snapped a picture while he napped. I didn't care. I loved him. But I honored his request.

Yes, I have other close friends to bounce things off, but no one nearly as close as he was. I feel like a chasm has opened in my heart.
I'm hurting emotionally from relationship stuff regarding P right now that Grumpy would have been there for me on, to listen & not judge. My closest gal friend lives far away and has taken to preferring texting to communicate & I don't have a texting plan - plus she doesn't get poly. My former long-distance partner is available and willing, but he is having relationship issues of his own and I don't want to give him any idea that I might want to rekindle our physical relationship.

I hope time will ease the pain.
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