You're dealing with a lot of new things at once. You have a new marriage, less than a year old. Regardless of how long you knew your husband beforehand, marriage changes things. It probably doesn't have to, but that would require everyone involved to make extremely conscious choices about their behavior and emotions. It can be done, but I rarely see it tried.
You also have a new relationship on top of that.
Then you have a new living situation, and a sense of inadequate space resulting thereof.
Lots of change, lots of stress. Singular relationships explode with less.
For whatever reasons, your emotional and physical connections to your husband are waning. If he cares about you, then I suspect your two nights a week with the BF are causing him hurt and resentment, because you're clearly transferring those connections to D. This might also make it near-impossible to accept D as co-primary, because you've relegated M to a secondary status except by law.
I think, if you want to make it work with both, you need to find a way to reassure M that he has an equal place in your heart.
Otherwise you've set up a situation where you have to choose one or the other, it seems to me.
I do understanding being able to talk to one man about emotions better than the other. I also find that easier with my BF than my husband. I wouldn't attribute it so much to emotional maturity as a different way of processing things, due in part to how each was raised and educated.
-- Kerry J. Renaissance
39 y/o female, married/bisexual/poly/pagan/disabled/fan
In a V with
- Liam, 52 y/o straight male (married, 14 years)
- Jai, 41 y/o bi male