Thread: Captain's Log
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Old 04-10-2014, 12:56 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 468

@nycindie I would have felt differently had he apologized and offered another time/day. The absence of that just made me feel blown off. I'm thinking I will have to say something to let him know it bothered me, assuming he contacts me again. I tend to take the flakiness of others personally, as I myself rarely flake. And, honestly, I would jump through hoops of fire for good lovin.' On the other hand, I know for some people flakiness is no big deal and it doesn't bother them, it's nothing personal, and he might be one of those people. And, yes, houseguests can be draining, and he may have been disappointed that we wouldn't have anywhere to go after our date to be alone (unless we got a hotel room.) His guests might mean we were not able to go to his place, and mine is off limits as per the husband.

I admit I'm still hyper-vigilant after having the person I opened my marriage to be with (Coco) turn out so awful. Her M.O. was to disrespect me in small and not-so-small ways, then whenever I confronted her, she'd deny and invalidate until I was emotionally out of control, then she would berate me for being emotionally out-of-control. My attempts at understanding, forgiving and acting "cool" only made me a better doormat. If I'm being too hard-assed it might well be in reaction to barely-healed injuries. At this point, if someone, friend or lover, shows me anything I perceive as disinterest, I just back the hell away. No more chasing, pleading, or lowering my own expectations as to how I wish to be treated.

But, yeah, probably don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Let's see if he makes contact again, and I will admit I was disappointed when he didn't keep the plans we'd made, or something along those lines. Thanks for reading! Love the feedback.
Female, bi-amorous, mid 40's
on the spectrum between poly-amorous and monogam-ish

--Melinda, lesbian, early 30's, dating 1 1/2 years
--Hal, mid 40's, heteroflexible, we dated 8 months, broke up for 1 1/2 years, recently started dating again
--Arlo, ex-husband. I was with him 17 years, still good friends
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