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Old 04-10-2014, 04:13 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,154
Default Tmi

With regards to the sharing of sexual details - I've participated in a several conversations about this is a variety of settings.

Some people want to hear all the juicy details - they may assume everyone else would.

Some people want to SHARE all the juicy details - and may assume that others do to.

For myself, in general, I DON'T want to know the "intimate" details, and I don't voluntarily share them unless asked specifically (and then only if the other person involved is "okay" with the sharing of them).

I have found, however, that my tolerance for detail is dependent on the circumstances and the person involved. When Dude had a sexual encounter with someone that I wasn't close to and didn't find attractive in any way - I only wanted to know the parts that were "important" in my mind. (Which would be if a relationship was "progressing" to a new level and that testing/safer sex had been discussed.)

I am able to tolerate more details when they involve people that I care about, that I know care about me, and that I find sexy as well. I don't need to know the details, but it doesn't upset me if they come up.

We've had a lot of discussions amongst us about the difference between "privacy" and "secrecy" and what each person is willing to share (and have shared).

My advice - have a detailed discussion with your husband about the information that you DO and DO NOT want disclosed. You are perfectly within your rights to ask him not to repeat "suggestive remarks" that his other girls make to you. (You can't tell them not to say them, of course, but there is no reason that he has to repeat them to you.)

Note: some may interpret this as me suggestion some sort of DADT - which is not the case. More - "Tell only when asked." and "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Knowing everyone's comfort levels ahead of time can save a lot of discomfort. A specific example - I do NOT want to hear about/witness anal sex/anal play. Whether or not Dude and Lotus (or Lotus and MrS for that matter) engage in this when they are together without me is completely up to them (and is covered in our safer sex agreements) but I don't ever need to know whether or not they do/have. Other things are "Tell if you want to but you don't have to and I don't need details." - so, I assume that, when they are together they have sex or not as they see fit. I don't need to hear about it each time it happens unless it is relevant to the conversation (say a funny story about what her husband said when he wandered in because he forgot they were using the bedroom) or something has happened that affects the rest of us (say a condom broke for instance).
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-10-2014 at 04:25 AM.
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