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Old 04-09-2014, 03:41 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 303

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Tonberry, I suspect this may be the case.
I suspect this is also true for many. I wonder how many would go another route if they felt it was acceptable and some women would accept that with them?

My relationship with Whip started out as fuckbuddies, grew into FWB and is now more serious. I'm not opposed to this idea at all. I think it's odd to go on every date thinking 'Is this the One?'. Talk about expectations! But, I also don't want to be approached as 'Insert Tab A into Slot B'. Unfortunately that is the feel of many of my messages.

I also read, Vanquish, your comments about your girlfriend noting her poly relationship with you, or just being poly in general as it comes up in messages and texts and such over weeks or months chatting with people. And your point about advocating for poly in the flesh is an effective way to introduce people to the idea is true.

I'm curious. Does your girlfriend also let people know while having in person interactions? Does she meet the folks she's chatting with online in person eventually? I ask because I just do not have the patience to chat that long without meeting in person. I note in my profile that I'm not interested in online only, that I prefer to meet relatively quickly in person. I get bored messaging/texting without actual in person interaction. (Weeks and months would feel sooo long to me!) I've also had the experience of having a lovely connection with someone that fizzled immediately upon meeting in real life. The physical connection was just not there. Anyway, I was wondering about the differences in how your girlfriend approaches things and how I handle similar situations. Might be generational too, as you noted, I'm much closer in age to you than her.
1. Does she meet the folks she's chatting with online in person eventually?
2. Does your girlfriend also let people know while having in person interactions?

She does often meet people from online, though she's selective. She also enjoys the process of meeting and talking to people online just for the sake of making friends to talk to. There are times, depending on the person and how she's feeling, when she'll meet someone after just a few decent exchanges. With other people it's much longer before they meet. It just depends on how quickly they meet in person and where their online conversation goes as to whether it's discussed online or in person first.

As someone who is 42, I do feel her texting habits are a generational thing, though the longer we're together the more I'm enjoying moving in her direction on the issue.

Her dating goals are also a function of her generation, at least in part. She is truly polyamorous, not just polysexual. When she meets someone, she'd be fine with the end result being a romantic relationship with full emotions also a sexual component...she'd also be fine with the result being a fwb situation (though she's not just going to do that with anyone)...and she'd also be fine with making a friend. Where it goes depends on the person and where their interactions (online or in person) take them.

So far she hasn't met someone that she has found the level of attraction and emotional connection as she has with me. We've discussed the fact that it might not always be that way. One of her dates might be with someone she feels as deep an emotional connection with as me and then we'll all have to adjust.

For whatever reason, she hasn't gone on any dates in a long while, maybe a month or even two, but has been texting several people from the apps. We're kind of in a state of domestic bliss, but I'm fully expecting at some point she'll tell me she's scheduled a date, either with someone new or one of her previous casual dating friends. I'd be happy for her if she did, though I can't say it would be abrupt as it hasn't happened in so long.

Does that answer your questions?
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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