Originally Posted by Natja
And that would be fine, if you controlled how other people saw your marriage and marriage in general, but you don't. Marriage comes with a whole heap of societal baggage that you partake of, even if you don't want it for yourself and your marriage. You can't control how other people think and unless you want to go around not proclaiming your legally married status, or claiming multiple married status (polygamous) there will always be people who feel that one person is the "real" partner and the others are the interlopers.
We internalise it also and that is why it can lead to resentment.
It doesn't matter what other people who aren't in my relationships think of them. I know that my relationship with Tighearn (despite both of us being married) is going to be long term, highly committed, and other than a piece of legal paper work out to being a marriage. I know that ancilla's (his wife) relationship with her boyfriend has worked out the same way and will stay that way whenever he gets married.
And I know that my husband (and all the spouses in this group) feel the same way about how good that is.
So it doesn't matter what society thinks, our friends know how our relationship is and really I don't need to worry about others (hell when a work thing that only allows a plus one happens and I'm ever actually able to make it, I'm going to go alone).