Our BDSM play is dirty and objectifying. In order to achieve a head space where he can feel like an object and I can feel like the owner of that object, we have to turn off everything that comes naturally in our relationship, because I'm just not the objectifying type.
Ok, but you do realise that some people are able to get into that frame of mind without "stepping out" in the way that you do, right? Mainly because the sadistic dominant partner understands that objectifying their masochistic submissive actually is being loving, considerate and all those other things. That's a need that individual has which is fulfilled by their romantic partner. Neither partner feels that this objectification threatens, opposes or compromises the romantic elements of their relationship, they feel it enhances it. Therefore, neither has to go into a different frame of mind and switch off anything. There isn't seperate head spaces. It's just one relationship with seperate but intertwining aspects.
I understand the issue taken with what you said because between the lines, it's as if you're saying that someone who doesn't have to switch off like you do probably doesn't have the healthy, loving relationship you do outside of the bedroom. You should only be able to be sadistic and objectifying to someone you either don't love or if you "step out" of your true self when you do those sorts of kinky sexual activities. As a kinky and poly person yourself, you can appreciate how irritating it can be when someone says "if you were in a normal/healthy/loving relationship, you wouldn't need this type of sex or this relationship style."