Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Marriage is what you make of it. For some people, it's nothing but an excuse to stay in the country. For some, it's tax benefits and health insurance. For others, it's the be-all-end-all of human relationships.
Hierarchy, meaning ranking one person above another in terms of status or authority, is not inherent in marriage. It may be a feature of many people's marriages, but it's not a universal.
And that would be fine, if you controlled how other people saw your marriage and marriage in general, but you don't. Marriage comes with a whole
heap of societal baggage that you partake of, even if you don't want it for yourself and your marriage. You can't control how other people think and unless you want to go around not proclaiming your legally married status, or claiming multiple married status (polygamous) there will always be people who feel that one person is the "real" partner and the others are the interlopers.
We internalise it also and that is why it can lead to resentment.