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Old 04-08-2014, 04:40 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
All due respect, but if that's what you're equating a D/s relationship with I'm not sure you've educated yourself in the lifestyle very much.
I apologize for the misunderstanding. I did not intend to imply that BDSM cannot be loving and compassionate. I was speaking of one type of BDSM play, specifically the detached objectification that Gralson enjoys as a bottom. He likes to be used and abused, treated as a sex object, beaten like a punching bag, and possessed as my personal play thing.

I don't understand it and I never will. His reactions when we're both able to get into that head space and play like that convince me that he truly does enjoy it. But love and compassion must be firmly locked in a box, or he completely loses his head space.

BDSM relationships are, at their core, compassionate and loving, not antithetical to that, as your comment suggests you think it is.
BDSM relationships are, "at their core," whatever the people in a BDSM relationship want it to be. Some of them are compassionate and loving, absolutely. But the class of all "BDSM relationships" includes, for example, play partners who are not in a long term D/s relationship, who only meet to use each other's kink to meet their own needs, and then part ways until next play session. These "kink buddies" may not be your preferred BDSM relationship style, but they cannot be discounted as valid just because they don't fit your ideal.

Yes, degradation, humiliation, servitude and all different manners of play have their rough side, but all in order to serve a healthy relationship.
Kink includes a tremendous range of interactions, and "Use my body and don't see me as a person" style play sessions are absolutely contained within that spectrum.

I'm not trying to make this personal, really. It's just that the misconception above is something that we fight against all the time and I just can't pass it by.
I believe it was more a misunderstanding of what I meant than a misconception that I have.

Fucking is fucking. Fucking, itself, is not compassionate and loving. That doesn't mean that two people who are in a compassionate and loving relationship can't fuck. Fucking is still sex, and other kinds of sex are compassionate and loving, but fucking is not.

Some men cannot fuck their wives. They see her as the mother of their children, the caretaker of their home, the baker of their church's cookies. They can make loving, passionate love to their wife. They can go out and cheat on her with some harlot, and fuck her brains inside out. But they can't fuck their wives.

Similarly, BDSM play can be compassionate and loving, or it can be dirty and objectifying. Depending on your personal desires, it can be easy or hard to get into an objectifying frame of mind. In our case, it's hard. For other people, it may be easy. For other people still, their BDSM play is more compassionate and loving, and they just don't get into that dirty and objectifying frame of mind at all. Good for them, but not relevant to us. Our BDSM play is dirty and objectifying. In order to achieve a head space where he can feel like an object and I can feel like the owner of that object, we have to turn off everything that comes naturally in our relationship, because I'm just not the objectifying type.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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