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Old 04-13-2010, 09:16 PM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 374

Originally posted by LR

I'm just saying that the gf FIRST has a responsibility to build and become friends with the wife before she can expect to be introduced "as a friend of the family". Right now she's NOT a friend of the family.

I have a boyfriend and a husband. Neither of them have anyone else at this point. But our boundary list clearly agrees that a new S.O. MUST take the time to build a relationship with us. There's no way they are going to be introduced as a friend of the family if they aren't ACTUALLY a friend of the family.
LR - I thought that GF and I were on our way to becoming friends, but her constant pushing and demanding to meet his friends and family isn't going to allow for that. I understand that it is something she wants to happen - but for her to demand it to happen at this point in time is ridiculous and disrespectful.

Accepting that my husband has a GF, that he is in love with someone else, that they have sex, share secrets, etc - has been a painful and long journey. But I accept it. Introducing her to our friends and family, even as just a friend, feels too intrusive right now. I feel that it is a huge step and I'm not ready yet. I don't understand what the rush is. For me, baby steps are important in this kind of situation. I am mono, I think like a mono - this is a huge thing to quickly accept.

What is also frustrating is that GF has outright said that she would NEVER be ok with my husband having another GF - that she wouldn't be able to handle that and that she doesn't know how I do it. Yet, she wants more and more of my husband and gets mad and resentful when I struggle, when I need boundaries and when I say I am not ready for this next step. WTF? How is that fair? It is sooooo hypocritical! She wouldn't be willing to step into my shoes and to try to accept another woman into her and my husbands life - but I should bend over backwards to do just that with her? And how would she feel if that woman wanted to meet his friends and family too - and possibly hers? Hypocritical and annoying.

But thanks LR for your understanding and support - even though you wouldn't have a problem with it - you are open enough to understand why I would.

Originally posted by mono

Her e-mail is totally out of line, presumptious, disrespectful and pushy. This is not a woman who plans on being anything less than his primary partner in my opinion. Beware of this one. She's looking to replace not share. Hopefully your husband will honour you as his wife and defend you as well, not that you need defending.
Mono - I don't think you're full of crap at all! I have always had a slight mistrust of GF for this exact reason. If she could have him to herself - she would. I have a hard time trusting any woman, especially a wife, who would go after a man, knowing he is happily married, has children and is proud that he was the one man where they worked that wasn't cheating on his wife. Yet, that is what she did. If our marriage ended tomorrow - so would hers, so that she could have him to herself. She's not happy being loved by him, by dating him, sleeping with him, getting to know him. She wants more and more and sees me as being in the way - which is where her resentment comes in. Yet, knowing this is how she feels, I have tried again and again to try to become friends with her for my husbands sake.

My husband can see both sides - but he is supporting me and understands that things cannot move forward until I am ready. He does not want me to drag my feet - but he does understand and has told her that she will not meet our friends and family until I am ready. Yet, she keeps pushing. And no, I don't need defending, but I do need my husband to remember that we are a team and always will be. As secondary, she does have her "place" and needs to understand and respect that. She cannot expect to get the same committment from him after one year, as I have after 19.


Last edited by KatTails; 04-13-2010 at 09:31 PM.
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