Kink bring down positive poly
So in the past I have got great advice from this forum so I thought I'd seek it again.
The back story husband and I have been married 10 years (together 14) open/poly 6 years. He has a long distant girlfriend (together 4.5 years long distant 3 years) and a regular fuck buddy. When we first started as open/poly I have a boyfriend for 3 years but only causal partners for the last 3 years. Recently I started seeing a guy (Mike) who he and I share common kinks (spanking mostly). This is something that my husband has never shown an interested in, in fact has commented that he does not get it but he has also said that that is one of the many pluses of being poly - we can persue interests with other partners. My husband has also always been aware that I am into spanking.
Mike and I have been seeing each other for about 2 months now about once a week, as the situation would have, it we have been able to schedule it so that when my husband is seeing his fuck buddy I am seeing Mike.
However almost every time I have come back from seeing Mike, my husband has been annoyed, short and moody with me. He has picked fights over little things such as when I got home even though he was not home or missing time (for example one night Mike and myself had dinner out then got a hotel room, we have a safety rule that if we go to a hotel or house ie not public places in the early stage of a relationship we check in with each other, my husband felt there was a lot of unaccounted for time between when dinner would of finished and me contacting him saying we had got a hotel room). We've had a few big chats about it and he says he feels he is being punished for not being into spanking, he has made comments that to me show that he is insecure - like because I enjoy this kink with someone else I will enjoy sex more then with my husband. I have also worked out that he has been checking my phone and reading my messages between Mike and myself (I have no problems with this because I don't feel I have anything to find) but again to me it shows that he is feeling insecure. I should add that he was never like this with the guy I was dating when we first started being poly or any of my casual fuck buddies.
So what should I do? I feel my husband feels insecure because of this added demention of the spanking but I'm not sure how to make him feel more secure and comfortable with the situation.
I should also add that I don't go out of my way to tell my husband all the details of what Mike and myself get up to but we always answer honestly when asked about what went on during a date.