Thread: At a loss
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Old 04-06-2014, 05:27 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
He just said he didnt want to talk about it because I would "get mad". And he doesnt want me to be angry. He does not understand that sharing with me about his struggles, AND his progress helps our relationship grow because it increased our intimacy. We do have some really good talks where we feel as though we connect deeply. But I do wish he would tell me more about his personal journey.
It takes time. A lot of time. I've been working with Gralson on opening up for 7 years, and it's been slow going. I'm up against 35+ years of being taught that having feelings is weak and having needs is selfish. Those were formative years and now the patterns are set, so I don't think we'll ever fully "get there."

And to be fair, if you're like me, there have been times where I've gotten upset (interpreted as "mad," again by patterns set before I was even born, let alone in a relationship with him) by the things he did tell me.

You also need to learn to respect his process. Your way, that is talking everything through and finding solutions together, is only "one way" of resolving issues. His way is to work through it internally and come to you when it all makes sense. It took me a long time to learn to respect Gralson's personal space when he needed to just think something through without being pestered. Usually he's able to come to resolution on his own. Would I love it if that were different, if he involved me in his process? Sure. But it's his process and he needs to be safe to process his thoughts the way he prefers.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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