Thread: At a loss
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Old 04-06-2014, 05:13 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122
Default still struggling

Well I didnt make it to therapy last week, we had sitter issues so I let him go on his own. He didnt tell me much except that it was "heart-wrenching as usual". He does not like to share with me much about his process. He was struggling with something the other day and I called him on it, asked him to let me in and tell me what was the issue. He just said he didnt want to talk about it because I would "get mad". And he doesnt want me to be angry. He does not understand that sharing with me about his struggles, AND his progress helps our relationship grow because it increased our intimacy. We do have some really good talks where we feel as though we connect deeply. But I do wish he would tell me more about his personal journey.

His insecurities mean I also feel like I cant really share things going on with my BF and me. We are having struggles of our own, with him not having time to get together any longer. It is becoming a true LDR and I have never done that before and dont know how to adjust to it. It is becoming almost a 100/5 texting relationships, which is not really a relationship at all in my eyes. So much of our connection to each other is about our physical connection and our attraction. Very NRE, I am aware.... o.O I am worried that I will need to scale it back to a friendship level only just to keep from being devastated over and over when he cant make time for me. I really should be better able to handle my emotions, at least thats how I see it. But this is the first time I have really opened up my heart to another in a really long time and I have not really learned how to find my happy poly medium yet. I think I am expecting him to live up to mono standards (being available for me to chat daily, setting aside time for me, etc.). But perhaps I am just not wanting to speak my truth and set actual boundaries.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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