Poll: For those who decided to be poly after their partner came out..
Did you decide to be poly in order to fill a void where your partner should be? Did you search out someone to ease your loneliness for your partner?
My boyfriend it seems is thinking this is HIS poly. He "wants me to be enough." But he fears that even after he moves here (hes 3 1/2 hrs away) I won't be able to satisfy his need for me. It's really hard for me to be detailed with this because I am at work and I don't want to open everything up at work and not be able to close it. But, a little history he hasn't gone about poly in the past all that well. He's hurt me and broken my trust. To me, it hurts being told I'm not enough. I'm poly and I didn't tell my fiance that I needed to supplement. It's hurtful. I supported my fiance through every insecurity and fear and once he was ready he opened the boundaries and handled it wonderfully. I want to slam his "poly" door shut right now because it just sounds all wrong. If we were mono in an LDR he wouldn't ask for a replacement, but I feel he is using my being poly to sooth missing me because we are LDR with someone else.
Is it just me that doesn't think this is okay? If he wants to pursue other relationships that's one thing, but supplementing so he can stay with me and not lose his mind because he misses me seems wrong. I told him to test out his theory, but he said he won't go through with it unless I lovingly support him, but I can't support this. Then he agreed to it. Then he took it back.
The way I see it is this, my fiance is mono. He did have a moment of jealousy where he said maybe he should get someone else that way he isn't lonely when I'm not there, but as quick as the words came out he said no! I love you and only you. I don't love or want to love anyone else. I accept that you are poly, but I don't want to be. That was the end of it. With my boyfriend it keeps popping up. He wants to be with just me but I'm not enough right now and fears that even when he moves closer I won't be enough. If he's poly so be it, if he needs a substitute when I'm not there I see nothing but destruction coming. I voiced it's not fair to the girl. He said he wouldn't treat her as a replacement, but that doesn't change that I see her as that and idk how to have a relationship with her because of it. I just worry with this struggle he's going through and how deeply his word of I'm not enough hurt me that... maybe... I don't even want to say the words x(
Last edited by Ilove2men; 04-13-2010 at 11:58 PM.