Thread: Talking it out
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Old 04-04-2014, 08:34 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 672

Lady and I have been talking about various ways to work on issues we've both had in the past.

1- My dislike of seeing her and hubby being physically affectionate. Hello/goodbye kisses, a little hand holding, fine. Actual cuddling, not so fine. Mostly this stems from me feeling like a third wheel, which is not at all how I want to feel in my own home. Trying to define exactly what kind of physical touch I find too intimate to witness is difficult for me, so she is trying to limit herself which I know is difficult for her since she is a very physically demonstrative person. This doesn't seem to be an issue in more of a group setting where I have other people to interact with as well.

Solution: (Possibly temporary) limitations on how much they cuddle/physically touch when it is just the three of us. Trying to do activities that allow me to feel more comfortable cuddling with them without our behaviour/situation being the main focus - so all three of us cuddling on the couch watching a movie or tv instead of all of us on the couch talking.

2- The time issue. She doesn't get much time, I don't feel like I get much uninterrupted time, hubby gets next to no alone time.

Solution: They are being a bit more casual, without dedicated weekly time. They'll see each other at least once a month, probably, she and I will continue hanging out every other week or once a month to try to get more comfortable with one another, and then when hubby has fewer time restraints we can re-evaluate.

3- Her desire to talk about EVERYTHING with me.

Solution: As long as I feel little stress in the other parts of my life, I can suck it up. As she and I get more comfortable, I'll feel happier about it in general but right now it is a struggle for me to be vulnerable around her. She is, in general, the same way so we are making more of an effort to connect more intimately (from an emotional standpoint). If I do feel too stressed because of work or home issues or whatever, she is fine with me telling her I need x amount of time without too in depth of discussions. She has also agreed to make more of an effort of scheduling discussions with me so that I can mentally prepare and can make sure that it isn't a time when I'm going to feel too drained and such. For someone who likes to talk about anything and everything all the time to agree to plan in advance more, I'm thinking this is a good compromise.
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