My husband is in his first relationship since we became poly. He isn't the best at communication and it's causing issues.
First time I felt disrespected was when he had his gf over and only told me minutes before she showed up. We did talk about the possibility of having significant others over but we never agreed to it. FYI I wasn't home. After she left, I briefly let him know that I wasn't okay with him not discussing it with me prior and making sure that I was okay with it. Since I didn't blow up and make a huge deal about it, he thought it was okay to have her over again with out talking to me, this time I blew up. It's not a huge deal, I just want to be included in what's going on.
Second time I was having a really bad day so he canceled his date with her willingly to stay with me, but he used our daughter as the excuse. By not telling her that he canceled to stay home and support me on a difficult day, I feel like he disrespected not only me but our marriage as well.
The third time was after a long week of arguing, we finally had a nice after noon with out fighting. His gf invited him out last minute and he asked if he could go, I said no. It upset me that after a long week of fighting he didn't want to spend a nice evening/night with me. Well it turns out he was only trying to be "nice" he didn't care what my answer was he was going anyway. FYI he had made plans ahead of time to see her the next night as well.
He usually sees her once a week, sometimes twice. We have little time together. He often gets home from work after 7 mom-fri and I work 12hr shifts sat and sun, so that's also why I was so upset when he choose to go out last minute.
Before these things happend I was happy for him and encouraged his relationship. Now, I'm really not supportive of it at all.
So, am I the one over reacting and having a difficult time adjusting or is he? Or both?