Originally Posted by Vinccenzo
It's a little concerning that when he wants to dabble in non-monogamy, it's okay and your need for this is met. Then when he doesn't want it, you have to stop. Then when he has enjoyed the flirtation and attention of others......see the pattern you're sharing here? He wants it and you get to enjoy being you < he doesn't so you have to feel low and guilty for being you. It seems he decides the value of your character based on his opportunity with others and he is a fickle judge.
Ooh, I can see where you are coming from on that. I guess I have to ask everyone on here to have good faith that he is a very loving and caring spouse. He bent over backwards trying to compromise and accommodate me during that crazy year and went through a great deal of emotional pain to do so.
There may, indeed, be a little bit of that fickleness, in that because he is so mono, of course just a little flirtation is no biggie because he'll never want more than that. But for me, it's more like...if you give a mouse a cookie? I'm not saying that's exactly how he thinks, or that it's accurate...but there may be a grain of truth in there with it. However, when we did the dabbling, both of us were quite surprised by our own and each other's reactions to everything.
As for my guilt, I think some is justified, a small bit may be inflicted, and a good deal is my own issues (I was the golden child of my siblings, the people pleaser in school, etc...I've improved a LOT, but struggle still with trying to be perfect for those I care most about).
Assuming best intentions all around, I'd still very much like advice/perspective on my idea for compromise and how to approach it.