Hi, I posted here a little while ago because I was having feelings for someone other than my husband. So here's my update, lol. We're back to being exclusive, I decided actually it was going to be too hard on all of us and I was very happy with my marriage beforehand and would be again. And am.
I am really interested in this thread though, I first heard about polyamory maybe 2.5 years ago and had a REALLY similary reaction to you polyanomaly. I couldn't understand how anyone could do it, the idea of my husband being with anyone else just about ripped my heart out. It still does honestly. But I needed to know more. I needed to learn as much as I could about it even before I developed stronger feelings for our friend. I was so worried that one day my lovely hubby might want to be with someone else and I wanted to learn how people do it so that if that day ever comes then we can work it out and not have to break up our family that we've worked so hard to create. Its my insurance policy I guess, I get anxious about things and I need a plan, a way to cope if bad things happen. So I read and read and read and read.. and then funnily when I developed all those feelings for my friend I found this place to come and write them all down. I have posted only a few times but I've read a lot and been really impressed with how people manage their lives and multiple relationships.
Its funny because another forum I read a lot is a standard mono marriage forum which is used a lot by people suffering from the effects of infidelity on their relationships. It has been really interesting to me to read what things seem to be the same and what seems to be different, and how much of the good advice is the same. We've benefitted hugely from the idea of radical honesty in our marriage which I first came across on a marriage forum and then I came here and found the same ideals mostly. I learn all the time and I still read here occasionally and respect people despite having made the decision not to pursue polyamory in any real way.