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Old 04-02-2014, 03:34 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Tell him the truth when he asks you. I know it's not always the best time to have that discussion, but admit that yes, you're feeling hurt, jealous, envious, whatever, and then talk about it. Right now, he's asking - he seems to be trying - and you're telling him 'no'.
I agree, this is the thing that jumped out at me as well.

Adding to this, don't wait for him to prompt you if you're having jealousy issues either. One of the things about jealousy is that it is based purely in fear of the unknown, so when you feel this jealousy it is in your best interest to treat it as if it is just an emotion and nothing more. Bring it up, be honest about what it feels like, and treat it like a thing you are learning to work through. There's nothing dark and mysterious about it unless we keep it a secret and let it eat at us.

Also, and I think most importantly, when discussing jealousy make sure you are approaching it from the point of view that you are the one responsible for it. While that fear of the unknown is usually prompted by some environmental trigger, the emotion itself can only be dealt with by the person experiencing it. When I have experience jealousy in the past I was always a little embarrassed about it and brought it up honestly, "I feel a little silly, but I've got some jealousy stuff going on". Her response was to inquire what prompted it, we discussed it, did a little mystery investigation about where the feeling is probably coming from, hugged, and I felt a billion times better.

Granted, her communication skills and emotional awareness were pretty advanced, but I think it's attainable for just about anyone.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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