View Single Post
Old 04-02-2014, 03:25 PM
Monogamish1 Monogamish1 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 42

I'm overwhelmed. Depressed.

I unexpectedly jumped into a position of great responsibility with my trade association. The learning curve is steep.
I need to see a doc to get ADD & depression in check, but I'm still uninsured.
Haven't even made a dent in my business expense accounting for last year, so taxes can't be finished. Guess I need to apply for an extension & get my estimated payments for this year in.
So many projects need to be done on the house.
Acutely aware of impending empty nest when my son & his GF graduate from college & move out.
Still in the "what are we" mode with my love.

If I could see any upside for him to his marriage and the majority of his time he spends at his home, other than fulfilling his sense of obligation, perhaps I wouldn't mind the alone time so much. It is not up to me to decide or even my place to understand his other relationship(s), but they do affect me.

He still doesn't seem to understand how I feel rejected or abandoned every time he leaves. He does nothing to encourage that feeling, if is all mine. And yet, when I even mention taking a break/running away for a short time to get myself together - he feels abandoned.

When I first got hit with the feeling of being overwhelmed I wanted to run away to visit my best friend out of state for a while. He spent two days in tears at work and his home before he messaged and asked if he could run away with me, mistakenly believing I wanted to permanently ditch everything I wanted a break from - including him. I had to reassure him that was NOT the case. And it turns out it wasn't the best time to visit my best friend, and I hate to be one to impose even though I know she would ALWAYS open her door to me for any length of time I would need. So I stayed home, trying to plod through the emotional avalanche.

I still want to run away. I asked him to run away with me, to move away with me. Only now he says he can't because of his obligations. Why is it different when he thinks I'm dumping him vs asking him to go with me? I told him to give two weeks notice & even found a house I could afford near a town he believes he would love to in & there is more work possibilities in what he wants to work in. He said he would seriously discuss it, but like everything else it seems unless I push it doesn't get talked about. He blames ADD. Getting harder & harder to accept that, even though I'm sure it contributes.
Reply With Quote