Thread: At a loss
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:19 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,345

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
WE have a session tomorrow. I plan to bring this issue up, along with another one from two weeks ago and see whether we can come up with something.
I'm glad you're actively working toward solution. While you are still entertaining the notion that it is possible to reach a mutually amicable arrangement you are actually doing the work and doing all you reasonably can to come to it. This does two good things, in my opinion 1) exponentially increases the odds of working it out and 2) if you decide the relationship needs to be adjusted or abolished, you can feel clean that you did all you could.

So long as your happiness is the end goal to be achieved (one way or the other), I get the effort. I'm not personally interested in that kind of effort but I get that many people think it's worth it.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
But I have said that I would choose someone else to do individual therapy as I dont know that she really "gets me".
There really is a rhythm one finds with a therapist. It's kind of like chemistry in a relationship - it either works or it doesn't. I figure as long as I feel safe to be completely honest and they don't coddle me or work an agenda on me... we're off to a roaring start.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
Truthfully, NRE was HUGE for me at the time, and in all fairness I would have chosen BF most nights. This way I was able to assure my husband that he had time set aside for him, and it was good for me to schedule that in so that I didnt get carried away.
If I'm in a relationship and my partner gets a new lover I am going to assume that my time with them will take a sharp and noticeable decrease for a period of time. What I *don't* want is for them to force time with me when they'd rather be doing something else. This is true for all of my relationships... if there's something else you'd rather be doing then PLEASE go do that instead.

I get the concern though, an insecure partner won't be able to understand and will make it all about them. So, to avoid a whining meltdown you try to split your time arbitrarily down the middle. It's unfortunate, but I get it.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
I think he expected that we would then "make it up to him" by giving him extra time the next week, or by my giving him more snuggle time. Which I probably could have done... But I really dont want these things to be used as a commodity, as a trade.
You say this like this is something you've encountered before?
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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