Thread: At a loss
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Old 04-01-2014, 03:16 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

My experience-with a husband who wasn't interested in poly-to where we are today-living a poly life under specified compromised terms;

Is that coddlign them never ever ever evver works well.

Not to say you should run ramshod over their feelings either.

But-you do need to EACH define your hard limits (non negotiable, won't change) and soft limits (negotiable or can be changed with time)

Then sit down and figure out if it is possible to find a middle ground.

There are things Maca isn't ok with; that OTHER poly people would htink are NOT acceptable limitations, but they don't bother me.
On the other hand, there are things that he would PREFER not to be a part of our dynamic, that are hard limits I MUST have.

We figured out that there was a middle ground and we were able to negotiate how to find it together.
But-that was impossible for 2.5 years, while we both were trying to do it without having laid out in concrete and clear terms what our hard limits were.

You need to define those; because those will tell you if it's EVEN POSSIBLE to make this work-without drama-ever.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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