When you told me your husband's reaction to your bf's surprise, it reminded me of a similar story, but a different context (no poly): an acquaintance got an unexpected day off from work. When his gf found out, instead of being happy at his unexpected good fortune, she was pissy and pouty. She was asked, "aren't you happy for your bf that he got a day off from work? She replied, "No, I want a day off." Needless to say, that relationship did not last.
Now I realize there is a huge difference between a day off from work and a relationship. But to rain on another's good fortune regardless of circumstance is not kind behavior. After all, your bf's presence took nothing away from your husband. And if husband's goal is to light up your life by surprising you, there has to be various means at his disposal - far more opportunity because you two live together. (But maybe he's not interested in treating your relationship as fresh and new? Maybe he likes being comfortable and not having to work so hard?)
Next point: perhaps having a gf would give him the insight that he needs to better traverse the poly landscape. That said if his general worldview is to be envious of others' good fortune, it's not all that attractive. So I guess my question is does he display envy in regard to this situation specifically? Or is it his general attitude toward life? If you won an award; got flowers from a platonic girlfriend; got your name in the paper...., would he be happy for you then? If the answer is still no, he would be envious, downplay it, then you've got other issues besides poly.
Last edited by bookbug; 04-01-2014 at 01:23 AM.