New Here, and saying Hi
I just found this forum and I am hoping it's kinda what I'm looking for. My husband and I have been married 13 years this June. We have 4 boys that range in age from 11-3. My husband has always had an EXTREMELY high sex drive and pretty much wants sex every day. I'm just not like that, and with the kids, and the typical housewife stuff, plus I'm also in nursing school, I just don't have the time (or energy!) to fullfill the sex life he desires. A while back I found out he had been on the internet looking for other sex partners. He had told me at that time that he was simply "looking into" the open relationship lifestyle and that he hadn't do anything with anyone. I was hurt. I was beyond hurt. It took a while, but we eventually started talking about the open relationship lifestyle again. I realize it is something he really wants to do and we've talked about it for a while. I ultimately agreed to allow him to have "3-4" women who would be "friends with benefits" that he could be with. I've told him I am not interested in finding someone else, and we did set a few rules which were very simple (must use protection, I don't want him wearing his wedding band while with them, etc)
Last night the one girl he has been talking to called him because her boyfriend's car was stuck in the mud. He went to pull his car out of the mud and ended up going into her house. He started texting me say "She's teasing me" and when I asked how he told me "with her ass and tits" and then told me "I really wanna screw her." I got the kids dinner and put them to bed. He was gone 3 hours and when he got home he sat down on the couch and told me everything they did. I didn't really say much besides "Ok" and kinda shrugged.
There is ONE thing he said that bothered me. He said the sex with her was about him, and when he's with me it's about me. I told him that bothered me because it makes it seem like he isn't happy when it's us. He said that wasn't it and that it was just different and it was about what he wanted. He also told me she would bend over or whatever and ask if he thought I'd like a picture of that. I find that so rude, but whatever.
Anyways, my question is how do I get over the feeling of me not being "enough"? He says it isn't about me, but how do I know that? I truly am ok with him wanting this, but feel like I just need a place to express my feelings without him thinking I'm flipping out and changing my mind. I guess now it's just more "real" and I'm trying to work through my feelings.
Thanks for listening and any advice is appreciated!