Thanks, Mya & Meera
It's lovely to share the good times.
Tomorrow morning I'm having a breakfast date with Ocean. He's my April Fool; it's been eight years since we first kissed. I love marking time with him, looking back down the mountain to the faint wisp of the path where it starts to climb, the distant ochre roof of the hut where we spent our first night.
How can I have this fullness of love, with him and also with others? Am I blinded to the reality that I'm living from one dream to the next, and will one day wake up to chaos, pain, and the broken pieces of beautiful things I've destroyed by my naive appetite? Sometimes I'm afraid of this. There's such a safety in conventional social models. Every now and then I am keenly aware that there's no net underneath this thin beam I walk, heel to toe, heel to toe.
I'm at Lobe's place at the moment. He's at work. I've been for a long walk, got wonderfully lost and then found myself again, and am just settling down to do some afternoon 'work from home', and a few chores.
Last night, Lobe and I were honeymooning through the streets, holding our bodies very near, drinking time and city lights, cuddling at the food court, reckless kisses, an excessive amount of dumplings... At one point my mind strayed to how precious this is, the 'just the two us' time. If, say, Ocean was out with us too, we couldn't have had that kind of intimacy. Hmm. How do I have space for this in my life?
Three people I want to grow my life with, in different ways. (Leave aside close friends for now, but that too... !) I have no idea whether this will work. Wish I could flip to the back of the book and see how it ends. Ah, but life must be lived, page by page by page.