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Old 03-29-2014, 03:52 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,325

Originally Posted by copperhead View Post
This is not what I'm after now. I am trying to find out what kind of difficulties people have in transitioning from mono to poly or adding new people and what are the best strategies to avoid anyone from getting hurt in the process. And since I do think that any newbie is bound to get it more or less wrong a couple of times, I'd like to know how those who got it less wrong avoided the more wrong.

I really don't know how to ask this more clearly.

Your thought on honesty and communication are appreciated as good advice on how to get things right in the first place. Thank you. It was nice to read those and see that I did my best, and that my best wasn't that bad at all.
All relationships need the same things - respect, honesty, communication, caring, affection, etc. To avoid hurt... well, sometimes people will feel hurt even when we try not to hurt them. Feeling hurt can be a choice they made based on their perception, or something triggered by past experiences, neither of which we have any control over. We can only control our words and actions. All you can do is be honest (with others and yourself) about what you want, your feelings, your expectations, and be present with your eyes and ears open to see how to take care of yourself and the people around you. There is no technique or magic wand to make it easier. Polyamory isn't a "thing" you step into and suddenly have a secret language. It simply describes a situation where a person has more than one loving, intimate relationship. How you form loving, intimate relationships with multiple people is the same as how you form a loving, intimate relationship with one person.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 03-29-2014 at 03:58 PM.
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