Originally Posted by Openbiman
First, thanks for your kind reply. It helps.
I suppose what I mean to say is that I had not expected to "allow" myself to get as invested in any outside relationship's changing or cooling or ending to the extent that it would have me feeling this sad/insecure/wistful. Silly, I know...
And that wasn't "supposed" to happen. So that's why I feel bad about having allowed it to. So there's self-blame involved on being in the emotional situation in the first place: I thought I knew better.
It seems to me that you've recently had an absolutely wonderful time with this man. Something that perhaps your soul has been craving for many years. That, it seems to me, is goodness for the universe.
And yet you also seem to indicate that you have this idea that you "shouldn't" feel so bad now that it's cooling off. That you made a mistake by letting yourself feel so good that now you feel poorly. I don't think this assessment is wise. When you open the door for joy and pleasure, you also open it to grief and pain. And if you close the door to grief and pain, you also close it to joy and pleasure.
Only you can say for sure, but on your deathbed, I doubt you'll be thinking that you should have had less joy and pleasure in your life. You've made some good choices, you've communicated with honesty and integrity, you're living your life in a genuine and "lifey" way, and you have a woman who mostly "gets" you. I have to say, "Well done." Sucks right now, but still... well done.