I'm sorry you struggle.
And then she feels awful for hearing it. And I feel even worse for saying it. But, more importantly, for feeling it in the first place. For having let myself feel it.
What's that all about?
Your sense of emotion isn't just another sense that gives you feedback to you? Like your sense of sight or smell or hearing or....?
You are coming off NRE high and the thing with the BF is cooling a bit. Might not be anything other than NRE high calming down. It might be the start of other changes. At this point in time, your feelings are appropriate for the situation. Nothing wrong with your sense of emotion.
Your sense of emotion seem so to be working just fine. So why beat yourself up for having feelings? Just cuz they aren't the FUN ones to feel?
How is beating yourself up for seeing she feels blue on your behalf helping lift yourself up?
You do not expect support/nurture from your wife? She doesn't expect herself to be there for you in times of need? Or only in certain situations?
Joys shared are multiplied. Burdens shared are reduced.
I'm sorry you have not created community before this.
Either anon online forums like this or RL friends that you can be emotionally open with. Having a layer of "I have nobody to confide in" at this time? It stinks. But there it is.
I'm sorry you have not articulated with wife what you expect of each other in terms of spouse support/nurture. It stinks to not have solid footing there at this time. But there it is.
- Perhaps it is opportunity to have that kind of conversation with wife?
- And opportunity to take the time to create outlet for yourself on forums like this?
- And opportunity to think about what friends you want to bring closer "in?"
So the next time you have to deal with one of the UGH feelings, you are better prepared and not in isolation?
If you haven't been doing much to create larger community or deeper connections with those you already commune with -- feeling isolated is sometimes the result.
Hang in there. You will be ok. Do your self care, breathe, and take it one thing at a time.