Last night Arlo and I had casual plans, dinner out or order in, but about 2 hours after I'd expected him home, I called and our friend Eric answered his phone. I love Eric, and we're good friends with his wife, but when Eric and Arlo drink together they get stupid, their I.Q.s drops into single digits. Eric loves to take Arlo's phone and annoy me while I'm trying to get my absolutely wasted husband to get his sweet ass home. We've had some pretty big fights after he's been out with Eric, coming home many hours after he said he would, or blowing off plans with me. I get very uncomfortable when my husband stays out late, not because he's doing other women, but because it means he's out there somewhere drunk and high and stupid.
Last night, when Eric wouldn't put Arlo on, I just asked "Is Arlo coming home for dinner?" Eric said no, I hung up, and when Eric called back on his own phone, I sent Eric straight to voicemail where he apologized for pissing me off. In the past, I might've blown up both their phones with angry, hurt texts. I still felt the sting of rejection, but this time I decided to try doing things differently. I mean, if I'm going to date other people, at least I can give Arlo some extra freedom. I took a deep breath and tried to understand that at that moment, Arlo would be happier continuing to get stupid drunk with Eric rather than having a quiet dinner with his wife. Fine. And maybe this was in part a reaction to me having a date last night. Maybe Arlo was feeling rebellious and didn't want to be cooped up with me.
A few minutes later, Arlo texted me to ask what I was doing. I said I was staying in, but have fun with Eric. But, I said, I do wish you'd tell me yourself when you mean to break plans with me. A few hours later, Arlo came in just as I was falling asleep and said sorry. No fight. See? This is a whole new marriage, and I'm a whole new wife.
Female, bi, mid 40's
gf Melinda, lesbian, early 30's
STBX husband Arlo