Continuing-Quotes starting at p. 25
"The best problem-solvers demonstrate an inherent drive to develop these often latent, but incredibly useful inner capacities. When developed, these capacities-such as learning to do something for ourselves that others had always done for us or that we felt we couldn't possibly do alone-enlarge us as individuals."
"By contrast, when we cannot depend on ourselves we are deprived of strength. The How-to approach or the quick-fix method of problem solving so popular in today's self-help literature and in most organizational training programs can b counterproductive."
"Leaning on another person's formula for problem solving undermines our self-trust, thought processes or learning initiatives and thwarts our autonomy."
"We enhance our own creative problem-solving skills and self-esteem by figuring out independently how to do things that are difficult."
"I solitary trial-and-error approach stimulates our brains, engages us fully in a matter. It holds our attention, energizes us and develops creative adaptive strengths for future use."
"People who have never failed at anything, whose childhood paths were overly protected, who have managed somehow to avoid major setbacks can lack confidence when facing trouble in later life."
(the following is about a group of children who the researcher MayaPines termed "resilient" in a study of abused children)
"This small minority of effective youngsters share several characteristics:
They know how to attract and use adult support.
They actively strive to master their environment.
They have a sense of personal power, even volunteering to help others whom they believe to be even needier than they.
They develop a high degree of autonomy early in life.
They are actively involved in projects of interest and do well in most of the things they try."
"The inner frame of reference of many outwardly secure or otherwise independent persons speaks to this fact: independent people tend to trust their own problem-solving skills BECAUSE they have been tested and have passed the test of dealing with change or adversity."
"Conflict, problems, sudden change-these hold the seeds of a special tension which, when dealt with properly, helps us stretch beyond ourselves as we are and as we grow into something more."
"However we gain that knowledge, self-trust is one key to adult problem-solving skill, as well as a critical component of positive self-valuation."
(what to do if you lack the positive childhood memories or experiences on which creative adult response is founded..)
"The answer is deceptively simple:We must begin-right now, no matter what our circumstances-to act as if we have faith in our own brains and capabilities. This means taking action on faith, not just holding positive thoughts. It also means we stop, as much as possible, acting helpless or depending on others for our 'answers'. This sounds harsh, but it works."
"High self-esteem and inner balance are both characteristics of positive self-valuation. We might think of high self-esteem as an optimistic, energized and positive 'idea of self.' This idea is held in place by the actions of persons who believe they are likable, competent, worthwhile and powerful. By 'powerful' I mean tht a person feels capable deep within."
"Love As Thou Wilt"