You guys are hysterical!
I took a break for the weekend.
Friday was GG and I's 17th anniversary. Yes I said 17th.
We went to the used bookstore. It was calm, quiet, relaxing. Not too romantic-but right now I think we both just needed to BE and we were able to do that.
We picked up a few books, ran across the street to get some vega for me and some breakfast bars for Maca, then came home.
Shit hit the fan that night. It was interesting in a train-wreck sort of way.
Maca was feeling insecure. He's been doing KICK ASS at dissecting these things before they get out of control. But Friday that didn't happen.
He lost his temper, things got pretty hot. He intentionally mis-interpreted something GG wrote me to mean that GG didn't care about Maca or my stepson, which is SO not true.
For the first time GG LOST IT. He started yelling back, " That is NOT TRUE! SHUT UP!" He stopped somewhere along "FUCK YOU!".
Maca got amazingly quiet. I think he was shocked. But I couldn't help but note that irony that REALLY GG was defending Maca from Maca.........
He was pissed that Maca thought he didn't care about Maca. He was finally ticked off enough to lose his temper and scream in rage protecting and defending his
Love for Maca.
It didnt stop there and in spite of trying several times to defuse the situation it didn't work. It finally resulted in me telling Maca that this was no way to show love or care or consideration or protectiveness of me and it damn sure was not appropriate behavior for a 24/7 Dom and if that was how he was going to behave there isn't anyway we can move past a collar of consideration.
He was blowing me off-and in an attempt to get through to him-despite how it could be taken, I flung the collar at the floor where we were standing.
He left. I picked it up carefully and set it on my bedside table. I kjnow he's trying and I'm very proud of him. But he still needed to understand-that his actions factor into my ability to trust him to take care of me-especially if he's attacking those I love...
I slept on the chair.
I felt that it wasn't appropriate to really sleep with Maca OR GG when there was such animosity between them. But I was exhausted, worn out and in pain. So I took my pain pill and curled up in the chair.
5 or 6 am Maca got pissed again and tried to get me to go to our room. GG had come up to lay on the couch and Maca was mad.
My eyebrows raised, but I held my temper.
I told him no and I reminded him-you flipped out on GG last night because you don't feel he deserves my time/attention because he wasn't "standing up for and protecting me" as you felt he should. NOW you are pissed because he IS?
I didn't move and I didn't fight.
Saturday was stressful-I insisted that we deal with it. Both of them would of rather "taken the day off" but I wasn't willing to drag it out.
So we talked, argued, talked, argued, talked and talked and finally came to some VERY good conclusions-including apologies all around.
We went to church Sunday morning. The service was on the responsibilities of a husband to his wife. Having addressed Saturday that Maca feels (and I don't disagree) that GG wants the rights of a husband, and therefore he needs to step up and help with the responsibilities of a husband. If he wants Maca to share the rights, then he needs to share the responsibilities.
Well-GG took copious notes during the service (we were all sitting apart by weird coincidence) and it went REALLY well.
The pastor said, "men take notes". I turned and looked at Maca who mouthed, "got no paper!". I said (outloud), "You better hope your partner is taking good notes!" (laughing).
He looked a little stunned that I said it outloud-but he was smiling too.
We talked more Sunday and I think this marks the sign of another step forward in our relationship!
Maca found a diary of his from 6 or so years ago. He was a bit disturbed by it.
He said, "Oh my GOd. I can't believe I said those things. I can't believe I didn't listen."
We talked some about it in bed-but mostly it was just GOOD. He was able to see how far he's come, how far we've come. He was sincere in his apology about losing it Friday night-and GG was sincere in his acceptance of the apology.
I think that they both made forward progress in their relationship and as much as I hate to hear them fight-I'm glad that GG lost his temper, because I think Maca could see that he cared, that this all matters to him to. I think it changed the playing field so to speak.
"Love As Thou Wilt"