Me...I feel you need an open line of communication and the respect to be honest regarding the situation based on both parties needs. I can deal with a lot of bullshit as long as I know what that bullshit is.
I always have known he has very deep feelings for me, but he has always seen other people and I even kinda understand his need for doing so. However, all I ask is be forthcoming. If I call and ask if you want to do something say no...I have a date, not I am going out with the guys or I am working. I almost always ended up finding out and that was more hurtful than the truth would have been. He felt that telling me was holding him accountable and if we were free to be open he didn't have to tell me, but yet he wanted honesty from me.
While I see his side of it to a degree, all it did for me was say...Wow, if you are lying about the little stuff that you don't have to hide, what important stuff is he also lying about?
Every relationship is different and should be defined by the people involved. If your partner is an ostrich and doesn't want to know what you are up to...fine. However, if you are with someone that asks for honesty, not even details, just honesty...what is wrong with that? I never got mad about him doing his thing, it was the lies of omission that I didn't like.
Before starting this new adventure with an established poly couple, I just want to make sure where I stand on things will not be destructive to their dynamic, so I have been looking into the poly lifestyle prior to starting anything or even opening up conversations with the new guy.
So....am I way off base or leading down a productive mind set to get involved with a poly couple? I have been involved with the music scene for many years, so our outlook on things has always been more open and free spirited, but I realize even with the 2 open involvements I had, neither one was truly poly.