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Old 03-26-2014, 12:02 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I don't see it as "limiting his actions" to request communication and information about things that are going on in her life and may affect her. She didn't say "Don't progress your other relationships without my permission," she said "Just keep me informed as your other relationships progress."
Originally Posted by copperhead View Post
We talked about everything and I asked him to slow down for a bit, so that I could breathe and relax. He aggreed and talked with Sunflower if she was willing to wait or not, and she's willing. Now I really wnat to work this situation up. I feel bad for making them wait.
SC, from the other thread it sounds like that's exactly what happened. If I'm wrong then so be it, I'm just going off of what is being said.

Originally Posted by copperhead View Post
To me your communication style is an example of what is wrong and scary in polyamory (gasp!). You belittle my experience and my feelings, you make excuses for salamander like his behavior was alright.
I made no excuses for Salamander, this is your imagination getting the better of you. I merely said that your issues should be viewed as separate from his actions. You can work on your stuff but you can't work on his.

Originally Posted by copperhead View Post
He promised not to cheat and not to hurt me. Yet he did. He broke his word in so many ways that I'm still finding out new stuff. It hurts. I don't need you to blame me for jealousy. Just back off.
Who would you blame for your own jealousy? That is a purely internal issue. It's a pretty normal feeling when encountering something new like going from monogamy to polyamory. Jealousy is just a reaction of fear based on not feeling secure in what the future holds and assuming the worst. It happens to most people when initially confronted with this kind of thing.

As it turns out your jealousy was warranted because Salamander was not capable of (or didn't intend to) holding up his end of the bargain. Though this still doesn't change the fact that jealousy and insecurity are emotional responses which should be worked through and not encouraged.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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