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Old 03-26-2014, 07:42 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
There was a guideline my general manager wanted me to ignore and my regional manager wanted me to follow. I appeased the one I dealt with the most.
I would prefer to evaluate the guideline myself, try to understand the reason and motivation behind it, and then do whatever makes the most sense to me, all while discussing it with whomever I'll eventually have to report back.

Similarly, if I set boundaries in my life, I focus on the way I feel about certain behaviours when done to or around me. It doesn't make sense to say "don't do these behaviours around me" because someone can follow the letter of the law and still be just as obnoxious or cruel. Instead, I try to figure out what it is about those behaviours that triggers these feelings in me, and what needs are not being met, and then I focus on those feelings and needs. If people are aware of that, then the behaviours tend to sort themselves out.

Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
I think we all got the point of the blog, and even agreed with the main sentiment that being micromanaged passive-aggressively because someone can't come out and give a flat answer is a terrible way to conduct one's self.
Dude, respect. It's a concept you appear seem to be struggling with. That's fine if you're indifferent to the way people perceive you. But if you want to be taken seriously and have your opinions considered as valid and reasonable by people other than yourself, you'll need to learn to communicate in a way that doesn't alienate those around you. When multiple people tell you that something you said is generally considered offensive, loudly proclaiming "I didn't mean it that way, and it's your fault you took it that way" only makes you appear less aware of yourself. It doesn't remotely appear to the rest of us as though we should have read your mind and known that you meant something other than the generally accepted perception.

I personally found the anecdote to be relevant and interesting. It was a good reminder that many of these relationship issues that come under focus in poly relationships are not remotely unique to poly situations.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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