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Old 03-26-2014, 02:23 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,021
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I think the first step would be to relax, and just get to know Cindy. And get to know all the new-to-you relationships before changing/adding more on to the polymath.

How do you...
  • relate to yourself in all this? Being honest with yourself? Meeting your needs?
  • relate to and communicate with (just Cindy)? What about Cindy ---> you?
  • relate to and communicate with (Betty & Cindy) as a couple? What about (Betty & Cindy) ---> you?
  • relate in and communicate within (you & Betty & Cindy) in a V polyship? Does the trio work out time management, emotional manangement, and conflict resolution well as a V first?
  • How does Cindy handle relating to and communicating with (you + Betty?)
  • How does Betty behave as a hinge and deal with (You + Cindy) each needing time and attention and care?

There's other tiers there yet to get to know. Because you haven't ever met or interacted with Cindy "up close."

It might be helpful for you to take some time getting to know these tiers and observing how the dynamics are playing out so far before choosing to become even tighter/more entwined in a triad here with these people. Then you could make your decision to participate from a more informed place.

Essentially a triad is 3 v's stacked up on each other. Just because someone has the intrapersonal and interpersonal skills to be a "V arm" person doesn't mean they are a skilled hinge person. And a triad breaking up doesn't always go back to "the original V" -- it could even break up all the way down to everyone single. These are things to talk about and consider. Can't talk about a decent break up plan when things are good? Don't want to START talking about it when things go to "clusterfuck" level!

Quote:
But maybe I'm wrong, and if we're going to be a triad, it would make sense to form that sooner than later.
What's that all about? I am confused.

Make sense to WHO and for WHAT purpose? Just to you to alleviate anxiety of "not knowing how it will turn out?"

What's the pros/cons to "sooner rather than later" for you? The others have what as their pros/cons?

To me? Agreeing to participate in a triad before really knowing any of the people well or even meeting one player -- that doesn't sound like a recipe for success. You haven't had time to take measure of their character or skills set or talk about boundaries or anything.

It's ok to take your time here and deal with one thing at a time even if being in "limbo" feels anxious. ARE you feeling anxious?

BREATHE, meet your metamour. That's a simple enough first step -- go to dinner or something and take it slooooowly is my suggestion.

I don't know if any of these links helps you:

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html
http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles
http://openingup.net/resources/free-...om-opening-up/

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-26-2014 at 02:52 AM.
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